Reports coming out of Kings Hill suggest that there may be some truth in the rumours of Lunatic Lucy's imminent resurrection. Ex-Lucy rhythm guitarist John "Labouring fretboard" Collins has been seen entering the Kings Hill doctor's surgery on two separate occasions this week. Discussions overheard within have suggested he is suffering from a lacerated throat, thought to have been brought about by taking vocal lead at a recent clandestine gathering of the group.

An employee of the surgery, who wanted to be named but wasn't sure how to spell it, said: "I was just completing a form or something and then in he came. I couldn't be certain at first that it was him - the years haven't been kind to him - but when he declared his name, I was left in little doubt."

We were then told of a source at the Tunbridge Wells surgery who had heard what sounded like Lunatic Lucy's "trademark licks" coming from the first floor of a music store last Sunday. "But what was different was that it sounded very much like Collins was singing. I don't know what happened to Dale...er...whatsisname but there was definitely a different, actually much better, vocal arrangement this time round."

It is not known precisely what drugs were prescribed to Collins but, given his history of drugs dependency (in particular vitamins A, B6, B12, C, D, thiamin and riboflavin), it is thought to have been a week's course of antibiotics, perhaps even anaesthetic throat spray although no-one was available to corroborate this.

When we tried to visit Collins' house last night, we were told he had moved from there four years ago. When we tried the next address, it would appear he and his family had moved out two years before. No-one is clear as to his current whereabouts but it is widely thought his compulsion for moving house is linked in some way the orbit of Saturn.

More news on the reformation of Lunatic Lucy as we have it.