Armless Fun

Amidst claims that the record breaking boy band “Lunatic Lucy” are to reform, failed guitarist and co-founding member of Lucy, Mark “Ho Ho Ho Green Giant” Greenleaf has apparently been spotted in the Tunbridge Wells area sporting a new arm.

Sources suggest that Mark was the first member of the hit 90’s metal group to retire due to the fact that he lost an arm in an egg whisk incident - although for many years it was uncertain which arm had failed to remain attached after the disaster.

In the mid-nineties, the tub thumper turned instrument repairer and maker produced some of his best work. It was thought at the time that his life affirming change in direction was just another failed attempt for this sad man to spend time in the company of musicians. But when we caught up with his fiancé – professional pianist, accompanist and music teacher she insisted that this couldn’t be further from the truth, stating; “This couldn’t be further from the truth”

Mark went on to produce many unusual and exotic string instruments including the ill fated triple bass; a ‘cello so large that even John “I can play anything me” Coombs – ex Lucy bassist couldn’t find a small Italian sports car long enough to transport it. There has even been rumor that the frustration leading to “axe man Al’s” recent Rover 75 in swimming pool assault may also have had something to do with the vehicle’s inability to haul John’s massive instrument.

Sources close to the stick wielder state fervently that the loss of limb was not merely an elaborately staged plot to give Greenleaf the excuse he needed to purchase a brand new electric drum kit.

We caught up with limb deficient Def Leppard drummer Rick Allen at a recent come back gig in Sheffield, but the drummer was apparently unavailable to comment on the limb fixing allegations any more than “Get Rocked”.